Reflections from the Slippery Slope

"In one instant, your life can change", they said.

“They were right”, I said.

Five months have passed since “F” day—-falling on the wet bathroom floor, broken femur in four places, two pulmonary blood clots during surgery, organ failure, intubation, impending death. Three months of hell lying in hospital and in painful rehab. That one instant changed the script of riding into the sunset of old age with grace and dignity into Plan B.

A desired Slippery Slope Scenario goes like this:

*You maintain good health for a long time—minimum of 80 years.

*If downward slippage occurs, the incidents are few and good health returns in record time.

*When radical slippage finally happens, causing death about age 90+, demise is quick with minimal suffering.

*You will leave the planet peacefully surrounded by loving family.

My real life Slippery Slope Scenario:

*Critical slippage at age 77, almost radical.

*Not dead.

*Need for incisive change to entire life with safety foremost and ready help available at all times.

The realization of what I must do dawned on me while journaling in my car drinking my favorite Starbuck’s chai latte. I AM able to drive, the only time I feel a normal link with my former life before the “F”.

This is what we must do……………………………………………………………………..

We will go home. My wife and I. Pennsylvania is home—if home means the roots of one’s beginnings. We went to college there, taught there, designed and built a house there. My sister and my niece are there. Some friends from the old days remain there.

I found one of those Continuing Care Communities we could afford— barely. They promise to watch out for us during further slippage. We will not be a burden on the few relatives we have. Our new home is a small apartment I have named “The Rabbit Hole”, lots of activities like cards and bocci, and transportation in a van to the mall. We get a storage locker, access to docs, and one meal a day from a choice of six restaurants.

Have I sold out? You bet your ass I have. From roaming the trails and byways of this country by bike and foot, from giving up my soul state of California and my soul city of Santa Fe, from losing my garden of native plants, and the Florida sunshine, I have yielded to safety and perpetual care. But the windows in “The Rabbit Hole” open. That’s good.

I cannot walk unassisted without a rollator. My balance seems shot. Maybe I will walk again. Maybe not.

I have made a wrenching decision to do what I deem best for my spouse and me. She is 86. If I had died in the “F”, she would have been hard pressed to sell the house by herself and find safety and care. Her two relatives live far away. Friends are nice but they do not come at 2AM. I got a second chance to make sure she will be OK if the Slippery Slope claims me first. I took it.

She looked at her old life one last time,

took a deep breath and whispered to herself…

“It’s time.

I am ready for a new chapter to begin.”

——Author Unknown

May it be so.